Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"If you had to do it all over again what would you do different?" says me.
"Nothing!" says Giblets. "Giblets has no regrets!"
"I think I'd travel more or go back to art school or maybe not drive the car off that cliff back when you said 'Hey Fafnir let's drive this car off that cliff'," says me.
"Oh, so we're back to this again!" says Giblets. "That was like, eight whole seconds ago. Let it go already! You're livin in the past!"
"Or at least maybe I'd pick a smaller cliff," says me."This's been a really long cliff."
"Y'know what your problem is?" says Giblets. "You're always looking back. 'Oh boo hoo, remember the Good Ol' Days, back when we lived on the ground and we weren't on fire.' Well Giblets lives for today, and we're air people now! We live in the air! At least for the next several seconds."
"Of course when you think about it I guess you can't really blame this on any one decision," says me. "Driving off the cliff, running off the cliff, falling off the cliff - it's a pretty complicated tangle of factors there."
"I mean if we made any mistake it was not falling enough," says Giblets. "Because obviously we should've started out falling sideways, where there's just a ton more room. Giblets assumes future generations will develop the relevant technology."
"Maybe I just shoulda stayed home today," says me. "Maybe I shoulda stayed in last year. Last year wasn't a bad year, I coulda stayed in last year for a couple more years."
"In the meantime Giblets proposes a system whereby we fall out ahead of ourselves, and then dig a hole in the ground ahead of us for us to fall into to maintain our fall," says Giblets. "That way we preserve the fall - not just for us, but for the children."
"But I'm not real sure why I moved into last year in the first place," says me. "I mean I was pretty happy in the year before that, and the year before that was even nicer. And now that I think about it I really coulda spent the last twenty years or so living in that day in third grade when I kicked the winning ball in kickball and went on to win the school spelling bee."
"Years from now man will have left the earth to assume his rightful place falling repeatedly to the earth," says Giblets, "with great buildings and cities built in the sky itself, to defy the very laws of gravity with humanity's unconquerable zeal for life!"
"Really, what I think it is, is I never shoulda grown arms and legs," says me. "I woulda made a great clam."
"Countless millions will die," says Giblets. "It's really going to be pretty terrible."
"Oh well," says me. "Maybe next time."
"This ground's gonna swerve first," says Giblets. "You can see it in its eyes."

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posted by fafnir at 8:21 AM




44 Comments:
Preserving the abyss for future generations - how very apt. Who knew Giblets was a lyrical crypto-realist, behind that imperial constructivist bully facade!
by Anonymous CassieC, at September 15, 2010 8:55 AM
"falling" is a loaded and inflammatory term. let's think of it as "gliding" and try not to alarm anybody.
Good morning.
I read Krugman, and Delong, Berube and occasionally Cassandra but Fafblog is always the most topical...

"Apply Fafblog Daily , or whenever"
HURRAY!!!
Just wait...the overlords will promise us that "trickle-up gravity" will solve our cliff-related falling concerns with a golden age of anti-gravity prosperity.
Enjoy the ride, guys.

No doubt some fraction of those find their way to Fafblog! have enjoyed, or do, will, or could enjoy reading Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson, by G. I. Gurdjieff. But you may not be aware yet (as I was unaware until mere days ago) of Hidden Meanings and Picture-form Language in the Writings of G. I. Gurdjieff (Excavations of the Buried Dog), John Henderson, 2007? The “Foreword” and the first three chapters of this book are available for free download.
Because America is the greatest country in the history of the world, Fafnir's problem will be resolved by a stern but merciful God. Fafnir needs to pray for deeper faith. Soon they will all be enjoying a smoothie made with pure products from Kraft, such as macaroni and cheese, full of fresh cream goodness.

Since 12 B.C. "Kraft knows suffering."
A rising tide would come in pretty handy now, especially if you're driving a boat.
So that faf and giblets' drive off the cliff will not be in vain, we must drive more and more cars off the cliff, until we have achieved victory.

For more, please see the collected works of Wile E. Coyote.
Now that both of you have intentionally and successfully driven off a cliff you each have demonstrated the ability to be president, the CEO of a gigantic bank or a general with lots of stars. There really is no limit to the upside for you guys. Congratulations.
by Anonymous rapier, at September 16, 2010 1:28 AM
You just need to close your eyes and believe harder in TRUSS, the trickle up supply side, saving you.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 16, 2010 1:47 AM
hahahahahahahah
And you have to drive off the cliff if you ever want to find out if you can fly!

Totally worth it.
Well, I am obliged to dissent, here.

They aren't in any danger, because they're falling upwards...

...toward a stern but merciful God...

...who is waiting for them, arms akimbo, with an extremely large bowlful of rapidly congealing Kraft macaroni and cheese...

where they will land, and spend eternity.

Because God may be stern, and He may be merciful, but He is, above all, just.
As Douglas Adams said, the trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground -- and miss.
They're on hold with the screener on Car Talk, right? (xkcd.com/582)
Always remember: The ground is more afraid of you than you are afraid of it.

Or maybe that's bears. Or something.


Welcome back!
Now perhaps Fafnir and Giblets will join us in our fight against gravity. We hate gravity especially when we are trying to pick heavy stuff up, or falling off cliffs. Who made gravity a law anyway? I'll tell you who, those damn scientists. Join the Tea Party now and get rid of these stupid laws so we can float in freedom.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 18, 2010 5:37 PM
I wish we weren't locked in the trunk.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 18, 2010 10:16 PM
If God didn't want us to drive off cliffs, he wouldn't have invented cars.

Or cliffs. Something like that, anyway.

And you back in the trunk there? Stop that pounding, or we'll go back up to the top of the cliff and drive off again. See how you like *that*.
To those who have been asking why the freedom loving people who so bravely oppose gravity choose to remain anonymous the answer is simple. Gravities henchmen are everywhere and would squash us like bugs if we reveal ourselves.
by Anonymous George Will, at September 19, 2010 11:11 PM
If you had it to do all over again,
my friend
Would you hunt down the rats
or circle your cats
and weep while you wait for the end,
again

Would you ponder the ethics from jail,
no bail
of killing a good woman in time
to prevent her foul crime
versus coldly watching her fail,
no jail

If you had to do it all over again,
my friend
by Anonymous Echoes, at September 21, 2010 2:46 AM
everyone makes mistakes
I would totally do it again though
Why can't we just outsource gravity? Couldn't magnetism do it cheaper? Or Halliburton? Whichevs.
Since general relativity and quantum field theory are inconsistent, either light or gravity does not exist. If they went off the cliff at night, they could be in trouble.
I tell you that the children are the problem here. Think of the Children. Think of the Children.Think of the Children.

how I hate that mealy mouth fart breather who started that crap.

Have you ever considered that children are always bored? and that they then thrust their thumbs thiswise and cause all sorts of problems?

No? Because you were once one of them!>> yes? sad to see you

sad to see you drive off a cliff to amuse the children...
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at September 21, 2010 9:59 PM
If I could have a redo on life I would make new totally different mistakes. I already know how the old mistakes turned out, and reliving those would just be B-O-R-I-N-G! I would make more interesting mistakes next time. Probably some mistakes I didn't even know were possible the previous time.
It's not about regretting, it is about learning and changing.
They give you a redo but they just make you do the same stuff again. And they giggle. Twits.
Welcome back for this September, it's good to hear you have written again an article.
It's totally car-mic that I remembered you in time to captcha ribuic... I think....
Oh man, going to college, torturing innocent rodents.. Is there no end to this propaganda?

Yes, for people who have actually nearly driven off of a cliff (no guard rails, no signs, in daylight, thank god), we'll take those famously impaired drivers swerving recklessly and relentlessly passing on the double-yellows with curves any day!

And, if this is relevant, wouldn't it be nice in this election season to have a country where nobody particularly cared about your political affliation, but cared deeply about the future of the entire world?
by Anonymous alive and kicking, at September 26, 2010 7:43 PM
Friends - Wikipedia's description of this important book, which I quote, should have mentioned more prominently that it is also very funny.

Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson or An Objectively Impartial Criticism of the Life of Man is the first volume of the All and Everything trilogy written by the Greek-Armenian mystic G. I. Gurdjieff. The trilogy also includes Meetings with Remarkable Men and Life Is Real Only Then, When 'I Am'.

Because the book was intended to be the main study tool for his teachings, Gurdjieff went to great lengths in order to increase the effort needed to read and understand it. Gurdjieff himself once said, “I bury the bone so deep that the dogs have to scratch for it." The book treats of an enormous number of subjects and questions. It is a vast allegorical myth structure in a literary form all its own.

The plot of Beelzebub's Tales primarily revolves around the ruminations of an extraterrestrial known as "Beelzebub" to his grandson Hassein, as they travel through space towards Beelzebub's home planet "Karatas" on the spaceship Karnak. It mainly recounts the adventures and travails of Beelzebub amongst the 'three-brained beings' (humans) of the planet Earth. Beelzebub covers the entire history of the strange behaviors and customs of these beings.

Beelzebub's Tales is included in Martin Seymour-Smith's 100 Most Influential Books Ever Written: The History of Thought from Ancient Times to Today, with the comment that it is "...the most convincing fusion of Eastern and Western thought has yet been seen."

http://www.gurdjieff.org/smith.htm
Gurdjieff, huh?
Thank you, 離婚.
Hey I got a truckload of faith (Lou Reed) back here which I been keeping for, like, a long time, and it's starting to smell. So less keeping and more sending. thnkx
Your wonderful falling will surely last forever because it obviously can, but as your lawyer I must in strongest terms stipulate this clause, in real small print because I support the optometrist's union; that if there are any consequences of this falling, although what could go wrong?, that Giblets must receive his bonus, that is his entitlement to the universe, while Fafnir must be stripped of everything, particularly his dignity, but he does not need that anyway, because he should have known better than to try and take of advantage of poor Giblets, and besides what does he think, that life is free for the falling? Consequences only happen because someone is trying to take advantage of Giblets, and nothing is free, except my lunch because you are paying, as I am on billable hours here.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 16, 2010 5:00 PM
Did I write the comment with "Kraft knows cruelty"? Or was that a different Ralph? Anyway, I like that comment.

Seriously, I'm really not sure. It sort of sounds like me, and I think I remember writing something like it, but I am not at all sure.

Anyway, here's the point: Fafblog is f*cking great. it takes a sort of genius to write a a few inches of type and connect it with the world.
Thank you. This is one of my favorite fafblog posts ever.

According to Chris Hedges,

Hope is the belief, not necessarily grounded in the tangible, that those whose greed, stupidity and complacency
have allowed us to be
driven over a cliff shall one day be brought down. Hope is about existing in a perpetual
state of rebellion, a constant antagonism to all centers of power.


Fafblog encourages me to believe the world will probably recover from our idiocy, if only long after we are gone.
This went straight through my heart.

Because only a nut would say thank you, I shouldn't say thank you, but I will.

Thank you from the bottom of my pieced heart.

I don't expect to ever find a better expression of how the last three plus years have felt to me. I didn't even know this could be done, until I read this and then I knew it could be done and had been done.

P.S. This my all time favorite post. If you do one better than this it may kill me. Not that that should stop you from trying, of course.
by Anonymous jerseycityjoan, at November 07, 2010 2:24 AM
How did you guys get a preview of Dubya's book, or were you the ghost writers?
by Anonymous rapier, at November 10, 2010 12:47 PM
Ralph wonders, supra:

Did I write the comment with "Kraft knows cruelty"? Or was that a different Ralph?

1. Yes - Both comments are credited to the same blogger.com profile.

2. It depends on what "a different Ralph" means - the multiplicity of ego states possible in the not-fully-harmoniously-developed human being was one of the principal teachings of G. I. Gurdjieff, q.v.
hahahahah THIS is why I love fafblog

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